So Where Am I Now?

I’ve had both cataract surgeries. Unfortunately I’ve had a couple complications with the macular hole eye (Surprise! Surprise! Surprise!) I’ve developed cloudiness behind that lens that’s something like the original cataract. Fortunately that can be zapped with a laser and should be okay. However, I have a problem with major imflammation in that eye as well, so it’ll be a while before I can get my new glasses. Yeah, I had ‘zombie eye’ again. My kids were horrified! I was supposed to get them last week, and that’s not happening. So, I still can’t see, and writing isn’t a thing that’s happening anytime soon. I can’t wait! I can work, and am grateful that I can work from home. I do have to take frequent breaks as my eyes tire easily. Hopefully that will ease up.

Is That Prone or Supine?

This will be my last day of face-down posturing after my surgery on Wednesday. I have to stay face-down for 45 minutes of every hour. (Yes, that includes sleeping). That’s so that the gas bubble in my eye will remain pressed against the surgery site.

With time, possibly a few weeks, the gas will gradually dissipate and my body will make more vitreous fluid to fill the cavity.

Did I tell y’all vitreous fluid looks like egg whites? Yeah, I woke up toward the end of the surgery and could see the fluid and the instruments in my eye! And yes I asked my doctor what would happen if my body didn’t make more fluid. He looked at me like I’m an idiot, rolled his eyes and said that’s never happened, but if it did he’d write a journal article about it and I’d be famous. My doctor is a bit snarky, yeah?

Right now I can’t see anything out of my right eye. And I’m getting damned tired of it. I’ve essentially been blind in that eye since November but yeah, this is worse because at least I had a little peripheral vision to keep from walking into stuff. Now I’ve got nothing.

It’s interesting though because I can watch the bubble gradually dissipate. It’s like looking through a glass of water that’s draining bit by bit. It’s aggravating and fascinating at the same time. The bubble moves though and is ridiculously distracting.

Anyway I’ll keep you posted. No more pictures because there’s really not much to see. My eye is swollen and a bit droopy. Definitely red, but hardly sympathy-inducing. Mainly I’ve been sleeping a lot. I hadn’t realized how exhausted I was but straining to see is wearying. And I don’t sleep well because of the face down thing. Hopefully tomorrow night will be bliss!

Victrectomy Recovery Supplies

I’ve got a little over a week left before my surgery. Time to order the supplies to help me get through this. Nope I won’t be ordering that chair. I’m clumsy as hell y’all. You know that in my hands that chair is just an accident waiting to happen.

That headrest gizmo looks like it would work for sleeping.

Plus it sits up for car rides or reading.

My question is how is it that this surgery is commonplace enough that there’s a whole industry to support it, yet no one has ever heard of it? Hmmm…

Thankfully they deliver this stuff to your home. I’ll probably get a boppy or a similar pillow. I’m claustrophobic so I’m concerned about having a freak out but I guess I will deal.

I’m thinking about getting another iPad. Mine is almost a decade old. It might be good for movies. I’ve got lots of books but reading with one eye is surprisingly tiring. We’ll see.

TBR List

In anticipation of my convalescence from surgery I’ve been stockpiling books. I’ve got my usual e-books, but I also have a list of audiobooks on Libby in case reading is just impossible. Normally I’m not a huge fan of audiobooks, which is strange because I LOVE podcasts. Not sure what that’s about. Speaking of podcasts one of my faves is Dan Carlin’s Hardcore History. He drops a new episode every other full moon after the summer solstice but only 40 days after the first full moon of the lunar new year. I’ve forgiven him for his idiosyncratic schedule because he has a new book. It’s at the top of my TBR pile. Along with Black Jacobins on the Haitian Civil War (Mike Duncan has an AMAZING podcast on this, he recommended the book) and another on the Spanish Civil War. I only recently realized I know fuck-all about the Spanish Civil War. This seemed like a great time to rectify that.

I made some interesting discoveries this week. 1. I cannot read on the train. Got car sick as all hell. That’s a bummer. 2. I drove in to work for a meeting and no one died. I didn’t hit anything not even the dog I thought was a coyote.

Anyway these days I mostly read non-fiction especially history. Any suggestions for my TBR pile?

Cheddar Cheese Straws

I have always loved cheese straws but for some reason I haven’t made them in like decades.

Yesterday would’ve been my mama’s 91st birthday. I’ve mentioned before that she was a brilliant cook. In the coming weeks I’m going to cheer myself up my making some of my faves that she taught me.

Mama was a ‘recipe free’ cook, so I found this recipe that’s similar to hers. She added a lot more red pepper, paprika and a little black pepper. She said black pepper and red pepper should always be used together for full flavor.

American Kingpin

Just finished this book. It’s about the Silk Road dude. Basically old boy built an Amazon on the Dark Web for all manner of illegal activities mainly gun and drug sales.

I read the article about him in Gawker years ago (Yes, he gave an interview to Gawker 🤷🏾‍♀️ ) and remember thinking ‘well he won’t be around long’. The Feds really hate it when criminals make them look bad.

By the time he was finally caught the damned thing was worth $1.2 billion dollars. He’s doing life plus 40 years. So he’ll die in federal prison. Presumably he put at least some of that money away. I have to wonder though. Why didn’t he quit? I mean he had to know the Feds were gunning for him. He had actual DEA agents on his payroll. He’d scouted out a non-extradition country to escape to. You would think after making a certain amount of money they’d have enough sense to bail.

My next question is, who’s running Silk Road II?

You know someone is. No way are they leaving that kind of money out there. Presumably they aren’t giving interviews being a little less arrogant than Ulbricht.

Anyway, excellent book. Allegedly the Coen brothers are writing a screenplay. I love the Coen’s but I wish it was Hiassen.

Macular Holes and Other Fuckery

So yeah, macular hole. Never heard of it? No, me neither until about a week ago, now my world has been rocked.

About four years ago I looked up at a street sign and realized I couldn’t see jack out of my right eye. Even worse I was seeing double.

Since then I’ve been diagnosed with all manner of stuff, spent a fortune and nothing helped. Finally this past Thanksgiving we we’re driving to Alabama and I realized things had gotten significantly worse. It looked like someone had smeared Vaseline over my right lens and left a hole in the middle where I couldn’t see anything.

I know, I know, get to the point ffs. Finally found a doctor who knows what he’s talking about. Turns out I have a macular hole. What’s a macula and how did it get a hole? The macula is a tiny spot (pinhead size) in the back of your eye in the retina. It focuses your vision. How did it tear? See, they’re not sure. It could be age, or being extremely nearsighted or it could be the night I slammed my head into Kell’s bunk bed and knocked myself unconscious. (Seriously, don’t get bunk beds.) Of course I could be the only person in history who blinded herself with a bunk bed!

Okay so what are they going to do? Here’s the amazing part–they’re going to stick a needle in my eye and suck out the vitreous gel (yeah, that’s the goop that fills your eye and gives it shape). No, they really are. Then they’re going to zap the macula with a laser. After that they’re going to put a gas bubble in my eye. Yeah, I know, but it gets worse.

I have to be flat on my face for five days until the hole heals. (with hourly 10 minute breaks). Trust, if I had ANY other options this wouldn’t even be in the top ten of solutions because it sounds like some POW camp experimentation shit.

Good news is that with a lot of luck I should be finished with Raspberry Sorbet before my surgery on February 5th. It’s hard to write with one eye but I really want to get this book out.

Apparently my eye will look like unholy hell for weeks. One YouTuber called it a ‘zombie eye’. I have to admit, that part sounds hella cool and y’all know I WILL post pictures because I’m a drama queen like that. Apparently I can go back to work after two weeks.

That’s all for now. As always, thank you for your patience. And if you are so moved pray for me to whatever deity or belief system you subscribe to. I’m a pluralist I’ll take good wishes in the spirit in which they were intended.

That Word Doesn’t Mean What You Think It Does

More from my greater rad-fem consciousness.

the one who writes


And what word is that word? Sex Trafficking. Think about it. When you hear the word sex trafficking, do you think about some poor girl in a foreign country forced by her circumstances into porn/prostitution commercial rape? I’ll bet you do, because that’s the image we’ve been fed, essentially forever. Did you know that commercial rape is a 9.5 BILLION dollar a year industry in THIS COUNTRY? Did you know the average victim age is 13-14? Did you know that one in three teen runaways will be lured into commercial rape within 48 hours of leaving home? These aren’t poor kids “over there,” you know in those fucked up countries where something bad is always happening. Nope, this is right here in the United States.

Top Twenty Cities for Human Trafficking

• El Paso
• Los Angeles
• Atlanta
• Chicago
• Charlotte
• Miami
• Las Vegas
• New York
• Long Island
• New Orleans
• Washington, D.C.

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Protecting My Sons From Porn

As I’ve been getting more deeply into radical feminist ideology, especially the anti-porn and anti-prostitution aspects of it, my distaste for and fear of porn have only gotten stronger.

the one who writes

Porn is yet another one of those things I never gave much thought to. Don’t get me wrong, I have enough social science degrees to know the dangers of porn and sex work in general. My undergrad thesis was a study of dancers at a local strip club and their interactions with social service agencies. I talked to a lot of strippers. In my book Try a Little Tenderness, I tried to honestly convey as much of that world as I could. Those women were honest and forthright with me, and I tried to do right by them in my book. So yeah, I know all of the statistics and I know from professional interactions just how tragic it can be.

But it didn’t really come home until I had sons of my own. I’m horrified by what they will some day find on the computer. We have all…

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I have a crazy long commute so I listen to a lot of podcasts. My current fave is called Revolutions. So far he’s gone from the English Civil War to the American Revolution to the French Revolution and then the Haitian Revolution. Being a history geek I already knew a little bit about these but not nearly enough. The Haitian Revolution has been particularly interesting. I love the way he called them The Avengers of the Western Hemisphere. And the crucial relationship between that revolution and the South American Revolution which I’m listening to now is fascinating.

As you know I frequently use current or historical events as backdrops for my stories. I can guarantee I will have some stories from these if not a whole series.