Seeing Eye to Eye

I saw my Retinal Specialist last week and there’s good news and really horrible news. The good news is, the hole has indeed closed, and the gas bubble is gone. Bye Bye Bubble Boy. Bad new? I have a cataract forming in that eye. Yeah, I know, I need to find myself a religion to follow quickly because clearly I’m not living right.

Cataracts are a known and likely side effect of the vitrectomy surgery. Though typically they don’t form until 6 months to a year and up to two years after the surgery. So I was prepared to have it develop, but you know me, gots to get in firstest with the mostest!

No matter what you do, don’t look up cataract surgery on YouTube. Don’t ask me why, but the visual of having part of your eye ball sliced off with a scalpel is almost as horrific as the visual of having tubes stuck in your eyeball.

Anyway, so the cataract has not developed enough yet for me to have surgery, plus, my eye isn’t healed enough either. So I go back in a few weeks to see where we are. Then I’ll be referred to the cataract specialist. Giving how long I had to wait for the retina surgery we’re probably talking well into spring before I have surgery.

Apparently I will need surgery on both eyes, so my lenses match. I’m trying not to think about that, but given I can barely see, and dreading makes me dizzy, thinking is about all I can do. I go back to work next week. Still working from home, so grateful that I’ve been able to work that out. Driving is not a thing that’ll be happening anytime soon. Tried just moving the car for the roofers last week and dear heavens, it was bad!

As far as my vision goes, yeah, my right eye is mostly ornamental at this point. I still have the funhouse mirror effect, along with blurred and cloudy vision. Yes, Dear Reader, my eye sight is actually worse than it was when we started on this long strange trip!

And I realized I owe y’all an apology. I promised Raspberry Sorbet would be out before the surgery, but no. My vision deteriorated so quickly I couldn’t finish the book and I didn’t want to put out an inferior product. I’m sorry, if I have any fans left, I sincerely apologize. I have NO IDEA when, or even if I’ll ever write again. I have so many books planned for y’all and all this is driving me crazy.

The Funhouse Mirror

Someone asked what does my vision look like with the macular hole. This image is the best representation I can find. I keep that eye shut or covered when I’m working because it’s mad distracting. And given that my job involves almost constant spreadsheets it takes me twice as long to do tasks. I’m having frequent headaches and am exhausted but can’t sleep. I just want it to be over. Even though the recovery can last months and there’s no guarantee my sight will ever return I just want it over.

Doctors use this grid to determine how bad it is. Mine is about like this. Sometimes I have a black hole in the center of the distorted area. Sometimes I do not. I see a bullseye, much like the Target logo, but with ragged edges almost constantly.

I’ve been getting pointers on how to navigate with one eye. I have always had limited depth perception but now I have none. I’ve cut myself three times, the last time pretty severely. I’ve been cooking forever and it’s difficult to alter that process. But I have to because no one wants my blood in their burrito.

Quilting

I call this quilt my masterpiece. If you look closely you’ll see all the hand quilting. It’s queen sized and I made it mainly to go crazy with quilting. The actual quilting is my favorite part about the process. I can work on a machine but hand work is more relaxing.

Sadly, I don’t think I’ll be able to hand quilt on this level again. I’ve been a quilter since I was 9 years old. It’s one of the few things I do solely for myself. No one tells me when to start stop or how much to spend. It’s mine for me. I was so proud to have quilted this quilt with a #10 quilting needle. They’re less than an inch long and and finer than silk pins.

Interestingly I was making a baby quilt four years ago when I first started having eye problems. So much so I couldn’t finish the quilt. Don’t know why I didn’t immediately go to the eye doctor. It wasn’t until I couldn’t see to drive that I finally went.

Funny thing is I always thought it would be arthritis in my hands that would end quilting for me. Despite being near-sighted as hell it never occurred to me that yes, things could get worse.

I’ve been looking at this really sweet Brother quilting machine. It’s kind of spendy (what’s new, eh?) but if it can get me my groove back I’m definitely going to get it.

I’m mad depressed right now and dying to quilt. I can’t wait until this whole surgery thing is over. It’s good to have something to look forward to.