Macular Holes and Other Fuckery

So yeah, macular hole. Never heard of it? No, me neither until about a week ago, now my world has been rocked.

About four years ago I looked up at a street sign and realized I couldn’t see jack out of my right eye. Even worse I was seeing double.

Since then I’ve been diagnosed with all manner of stuff, spent a fortune and nothing helped. Finally this past Thanksgiving we we’re driving to Alabama and I realized things had gotten significantly worse. It looked like someone had smeared Vaseline over my right lens and left a hole in the middle where I couldn’t see anything.

I know, I know, get to the point ffs. Finally found a doctor who knows what he’s talking about. Turns out I have a macular hole. What’s a macula and how did it get a hole? The macula is a tiny spot (pinhead size) in the back of your eye in the retina. It focuses your vision. How did it tear? See, they’re not sure. It could be age, or being extremely nearsighted or it could be the night I slammed my head into Kell’s bunk bed and knocked myself unconscious. (Seriously, don’t get bunk beds.) Of course I could be the only person in history who blinded herself with a bunk bed!

Okay so what are they going to do? Here’s the amazing part–they’re going to stick a needle in my eye and suck out the vitreous gel (yeah, that’s the goop that fills your eye and gives it shape). No, they really are. Then they’re going to zap the macula with a laser. After that they’re going to put a gas bubble in my eye. Yeah, I know, but it gets worse.

I have to be flat on my face for five days until the hole heals. (with hourly 10 minute breaks). Trust, if I had ANY other options this wouldn’t even be in the top ten of solutions because it sounds like some POW camp experimentation shit.

Good news is that with a lot of luck I should be finished with Raspberry Sorbet before my surgery on February 5th. It’s hard to write with one eye but I really want to get this book out.

Apparently my eye will look like unholy hell for weeks. One YouTuber called it a ‘zombie eye’. I have to admit, that part sounds hella cool and y’all know I WILL post pictures because I’m a drama queen like that. Apparently I can go back to work after two weeks.

That’s all for now. As always, thank you for your patience. And if you are so moved pray for me to whatever deity or belief system you subscribe to. I’m a pluralist I’ll take good wishes in the spirit in which they were intended.

6 thoughts on “Macular Holes and Other Fuckery

  1. I started squinting and blinking almost IMMEDIATELY when you described the treatment! Sheesh Roz!!!!!!! Praying this goes as smoothly as possible!

  2. My husband had a similar thing a couple of years ago, and the thing that made a biggest difference in the recovery phase was a cheap massage therapist chair we bought from Wayfair. It let him keep his head face down for all those hours a day, and he could even put his tablet on the little arm rest thing so he wouldn’t be bored out of his mind.

    The very best of luck to you, Roslyn! I’m a friend of Seressia’s, and I happened to run across your post while following links from Twitter. Feel free to hit me up on email or Twitter if you have any questions about the process or the recuperation. My husband made a full recovery and is still in great shape 4 years later.

  3. Went thru some eye foolery in 2010 – cornea laceration. Still struggling. Diabetes exacerbated the situation. Had major zombie eye for 6 months. Was kinda cool. After surgery, i kinda wanted my all white eye back. Now my injured eye is grey; but that’s kinda dope on it’s own merits.

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