Interesting Response to Men Aren’t Stupid


There’s a reader who took umbrage with my book, Men Aren’t Stupid. So much so that she felt the need to review it on two sites as well as on her own blog. No, I’m not linking back, because that would be pointless. She seemed to like much of it but had problems with me saying that men with children are to be avoided, and that men give relationship advice that is slanted to their advantage, not yours. Apparently, she’s concerned about the fairness of not dating men with kids. That if we reject them for having kids how can we say they’re wrong for rejecting us. Uh, do you think they don’t? And do you think your willingness to date them changes that? Look this is dating, not a social program. If you are under the mistaken impression that life is fair, well, I don’t know what to tell you. The majority of men are not interested in dating women with children. Period. Your opening your life and your children’s lives to the drama of dating a man with children notwithstanding. This is not a fairness issue, this is a commonsense issue. Men who are interested in having families don’t run around making babies with women they’re not married to. 

Now on to the other comment, she also stated that I believe that men don’t think about anything but sex. Actually, I didn’t say that. Masters and Johnson said that more than fifty years ago. Having lived with men in one situation or another for much of my life I must say I haven’t seen anything to persuade me that this isn’t true. If you have opposing evidence, please present it. Until then I will continue to believe what my own eyes and experience tell me: Men are focused on sex. If you don’t believe me, ask them. 

5 thoughts on “Interesting Response to Men Aren’t Stupid

  1. I haven’t read the book yet but I will. Interesting. What do you tell older women (over 45) about dating. I think it would be hard to find a single man over 40 who doesn’t have kids. As far as what men think, most of my male friends would rank sex as one of their top 3 thoughts.

  2. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with dating a man with a child in your forties, if the child is the product of a marriage. My basic philosophy is that type drama is to be avoided if at all possile as a young woman. However, it’s been my experience that unwed fathers are to be avoided altogether if you are looking for a man to marry and build a family with.

  3. I can’t dispute your experiences and observations, but I’ve read some articles that imply that men being focused on sex, and that the evolutionary psychology associated with those conventions, is oversimplication at best, and junk science at worst. I’m not telling anyone to ignore their experiences, or not to vet men.

    That said, I thought your book was straight forward and to the point, especially regarding that men are not stupid. I don’t mind fostering nurture and gentleness with men, but I also think that women are constantly taught to mollycoddle them, as if they’re children who just need to be led down the right path. Men do what they want to do, or not.

  4. Its funny that this topic came up because I was just discussing this same thing this morning with my mom and some girlfriends. There’s real validity to both side of the argument, but I happen to agree with you, for the most part. I’m single and I’ve always tried to avoid men with kids. This person is right that you’d be hard pressed to find to find a man over 40 without kids; and I would add to that, probably a couple of marriages, as well. I’ve tried to avoid men with too many many of those under their belt, also; mainly because I think that signifies a deeper problem. However, I think we’re all allowed one ex. Anyway, I broke this rule twice, and twice everything I spent years avoiding them for was proven with glaring clarity. And for a bevvy of reasons. Nevertheless, just as you said, they were quite happy to know that I had no children for them to deal with. And I think for the same reasons that I had for them.

  5. During a random mother-daughter time with my mom years ago, she advised me to never date and/or marry a man with a child or children from a previous relationship especially one that was not a marriage.

    I was in my early teens then but over the years (I’m now in my late twenties) I still witness the wisdom in her words – I’ve seen (and continue to see) family, friends and acquaintances deal with the drama, dysfunction and fall out of dating or marrying a man with children from a previous relationship. Mother knew best.

    Oh and in my early twenties, during a candid conversation with a male cousin (I was trying to understand the male psyche) he said to me, all men are after sex with a woman. Some may have ‘nobler intentions’ such as dating, courtship or marriage but they’re thinking of sexing you along the way. I disagreed and tried to rationalise his statement but my life experiences taught me otherwise – again and again!

    I look forward to reading your pearls of wisdom – thank you for sharing.

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