So unless you’ve been under a rock for the past few weeks you know that Michael Fassbender (Hot British officer in Inglorious Basterds. Yeah, THAT guy!) is apparently dating a black actress, Nichole Beharie. If you follow the interracial-sphere at all you know that Mr. Fassbender previously dated Zoe Saldana, and is the lovely gentleman who went out of his way to compliment Viola Davis on the red carpet. But what really has the interracialites all a-twitter is that he has actually stated a preference for women of a darker hue.
Now we come to my question, how do you feel about white guys who are into black women? Have you ever come across one in a romance, and how did it make you feel? From what I gather, a lot of black women like it. Or maybe they like the validation from celebrities. Certainly I can understand that, validation can feel really good. Note the near worship of DeNiro in the interracial-sphere, but what about in real life? I admit, I’m somewhat biased on this issue because every white guy I’ve ever met who was “down with the sisters” was also irredeemably hoish. And y’all know how I feel about that! It was like they had some weird compulsion. If she was black and said yes, or even maybe, he was going to hit that. Almost as though they were hoarding black booty! (Now there’s a reality show for you!) Do you have a similar experience? I’d love to know that they aren’t all like that. After a while it gave me a really freaky feeling. I got to where I avoided them altogether. It’s like the fetish thing, you know? I know some interracial bloggers say black women need to get over the fear of being fetishized, but I have to assume they’ve never experienced it. That shit is creepy, I don’t care who you are. I wanted a man who saw me as a whole person, not as my skin color. Not saying that is the case with Mssieurs DeNiro or Fassbender, but it can give one pause.
Oddly enough though, despite the way these guys are celebrated, I don’t recall ever seeing a hero in an IR romance with a stated preference. Do you think authors fear they’ll be accused of fetishizing? How do you feel about the fetish issue? Overblown, or a real concern?
the one who writes 
I’ve encountered many white guys who are like this they say things like “I’m only down with the sistas the blacker the berry the sweeter the juice.” Me personally I want to be seen past my color. I don’t want a guy to be interested in me just because I’m black . It would make me feel as if that’s the only thing he sees in me and it’s more to me than the color of my skin. Pat Cromwell (When Dreams Come True) did a great job in my opinion with a whitmale character who was down with blackwomen. He wasn’t a womanizer and he had class and style and his interests in blackwomen were sincere and weren’t stereotypical. Honestly I’d rather read postive things being said about us other than the ignorant and insulting things that’s been in the media about us lately. All the same I don’t need it to feel validation either. I am in a very loving interracial relationship it’s deeper than race he loves me and I love him for him.
Let’s take a step back. My sense of the world, is that everyone has a preference for the type of man or woman they are naturally attracted to. Some white men prefer blondes (attraction). Why is it any difference that a white man states he prefers black women? Some women will only date men who are 6 feet tall. Does that make it wrong? No — I think preference is the initial factor but as people foster their relationships, other factors determine whether they stay together. I don’t think you can extrapolate that the only reason why he dates or marries a black woman is because she’s black. It is a factor sure. I am married to a white man. The initial mutual attraction was because of our stark differences: race and temperament. What allows our relationship to flourish is all the other aspects of our character, values, intellect we have discovered about each other as our relationship unfolds. I think this is true regardless of color. So, no, I wouldn’t be upset to read about a protagonist who was attracted to black women exclusively. What would give me pause, if the author wrote a story only on that one dimension.
I’m not comfortable with men (and women for that matter) who state that they are into a particular ethnicity or nationality. To come out and say you’re into one particular look does come off as a fetish. The way I see the world, is that straight men are naturally attracted to attractive women regardless of ethnicity. Now what they do with that attraction is a whole other matter. Having “preferences” in terms of who you’re attracted to wrt ethnicity or race is not natural to me, the real “preference” comes out in who they want to date/marry/spend their lives with.
Like you said in the post, I want to be seen as a whole person rather than my skin colour and a lot of these people who are into Black women seem unable to see past preconceived notions and stereotypes. It really comes across like they are just happy to be with a Black woman, any Black woman would do.
I adore Nicole Beharie…but I’ve heard horrible things about Michael Fassbender. The blogs that mention his misogyny usually talk about the time he allegedly assaulted a ex-girlfriend but few mention how he has intimidated female co-stars.
I too have a preference, but that’s not mutually exclusive to any good guy. True, my eyes immediately seek out blond/redheaded guys, but if approached by any other type would be open. I find though this obsession with black American females that the white male “must” be “down” with the sistas horribly fascinating, as that excludes so many potentially wonderful men who have yet to discover awesome beings that’s females. As well, many should just turn off their telly, score the internet for more reputable news and simply open up their beings, as the more I read I/R (black female) sites, the more turn off I’m getting……from the black females.
The more I read about what it means to be “down with black women”, the more I’m thinking: WHAT?. That’s not what I see here in Switzerland. The men who have a preference for black women/girls, MARRY them and are possessive and territorial to the point where in one case I know of, she cheats with his friend, which he forgave, but got even more possessive/obssessive, that they divorced. He’s meantime still single, and sorta stalks her every move. I have to admit she’s a drop dead gorgeous lady from England (Nigerian Brit). My exhusband while no stalker and confident enough, wanted to marry me even though he was 23yrs old when we met (I was a barely 17yrs). Perhaps it’s the times along with the Country?. I feel weird commenting here…..
Foos, that’s very encouraging. Maybe I just ran intothe crazy.
Hello Foosrock, I too have an affinity for the gingers, but here’s the thing, I didn’t get the hits for them until I realized that nearly every guy who hit on me was a redhead! I’m still convinced there’s something to that. I tease my husband that his ver fair skinned family sent him out ti get some melanin for the gene pool!
Anonymous, I don’t think there’s anything at all wrong with having a physical preference, I do however think there’s a problem when that preference is based more on politics and stereotypes than on a person’s physical attraction. Love brown skin, napoy hair and full lips? Great. Pursue black women because we’re supposedly great in bed, or because you find white women too demanding? Ew. The thing I’ve noted abiut the interracial-sphere that for all the talk about IRing and the political, social and economic gains from it, there’s very little talk about white men as human beings or even about love at all. They spend far more time talking about black men than they do any ither group.
I believe there is a difference between a preferance and a fetish. However, the white men that I have met who are “into black women” seem to be more on the fetish side and dating black women becomes kinda like a hobby where they collect one black woman after the other. They also dont seem to be very picky when it comes to black women, any will do. I dont want a man to pursue me simply because im black. How would I know if he would really even find me attractive if he didnt have this fetish? I have had guys like this pursue me but never got far with them cause they always put me off. The white men I have dated just liked all women but I was usually the first black woman they ever dated. It made me feel alot more special actually because to me its more of a compliment that a man who’s use to the exact opposite of you still finds you attractive and a worthy pursuit. I know the line between preferance and fetish is a thin one and if I met a white man who just genuinely leaned more towards black women but didnt have any type of unhealthy attraction then I wouldnt judge him for it and think thats perfectly normal but just like the white men that are “into” the asian women, I just find more that have an unhealthy obsession when they say Im into this type of woman or that type of woman. You cant compare a preferance or a fetish (however you judge it or make the distinction) with a thing for tall men or hairy men etc. Its entirely different and usually when someone has a “thing” for a race, its based on stereotypes and they dont seem to see the people of their desires as individuals.