Scene from Dark Star

I was editing last night and came across this scene. I like it a lot. What do y’all think?

Nate exhaled heavily as he pulled up a ladder back chair from the desk on the other side of the room. After sitting down he succinctly recited the events that had occurred over the past few hours. Tonya closed her eyes as the memories flooded back. Despite the death threats and mind-numbing fear, the shock of seeing Nate had somehow had more impact than the threat of being kidnapped by some international badass who wanted to kill her.

“Are you sure about all this? It just seems like it has to be some big misunderstanding. Or maybe it’s some crazy trick you’re playing on me,” she said grasping at anything to make sense of the bizarre circumstances.

“Do you really think I would make up something like that, Onion? I mean seriously. I know you’re pissed at me, and you have good reason to be, but I’d have to be one sick bastard to do something like that,” he said.

“Stop calling me that,” she snapped. The nickname brought back too many sweet memories.

“Why? Your ass is still so gorgeous it makes me want to cry.”

Vintage Nate, part courtier, part swamp rat. “Personally I wouldn’t believe you if you had your tongue notarized.”

“I might lie about some things, okay, a lot of things, but I’d never lie about your ass. Some things are sacred.”

“I’m not talking about my ass, I’m talking about this nutty situation you’ve dragged me into,” she said.

“I admit to being dishonest with you in the past. But you have to believe I wouldn’t risk your life for any reason,” he said.

Tonya sucked her teeth then took the water bottle up to finish it. The situation was totally Looney Tunes, but for some reason she did believe him. More fool her. “Can we start with simple questions? Where am I and what do you plan to do with me?”

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8 thoughts on “Scene from Dark Star

  1. This tease just makes me want to read it more!

    Is Tonya from “Rock Star” and Nate is from “Try a Little Tenderness?” I wasn’t sure if I read that in one of the previous blogs…

    Keep up the good work! I can’t wait to read this one!

  2. Thank you Anony, no one had mentioned it, but I noticed it myself. I’ve tried several fixes and haven’t come up with anything yet. I’ll keep working on it though.

  3. Oh, and I forgot to mention that I plan to do a major revision on this blog in the spring (sorry for the delay, but I’m knee deep in writing right now) and it should become more customizable. I’m really looking forward to it.

  4. “Personally I wouldn’t believe you if you had your tongue notarized.” Your ass is still so gorgeous it makes me want to cry.”

    Love those two lines, – right away lets you know that Nate is a good liar, and that he Tonya is well endowed in the rear. Wished I had thought of the notarized line– know a few people i wouldn’t believe either

  5. I like it, I love it, I want some more of it!!!
    Can’t wait for the finished product. You sure we can’t get it until Valentine’s day.

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