So, I’m still having a conversation on the message board with the woman who said she didn’t find men of other races attractive. She directed this towards me:
No disrespect intended, Roslyn, but if your written words are this sharp, I would hate to hear you speak! I’m all for truth and keeping it real, but I was also taught that it’s not just what you say, but HOW you say it. When your husband gets on your nerves or makes you angry, is this the way you talk to him? Or is this level of animosity reserved only for black men?
I don’t detect an iota of compassion or understanding from you for the struggles black men – even successful ones who “handle their business” – go through living in this country. I’m not saying black women should enable and/or coddle trifling men (even Steve Harvey calls them this in his book, so fellas don’t get on me), and for these men I have no good words. But, damn, sista!
Unlike you, I believe my destiny is tied to the black man’s, and I’m not about to let a few knuckleheads run me away. I will never be able to connect with men of other races to the same spiritual/metaphysical degree that I can with a black man (my definition of black man includes men who are part black and also identify with us) – and I don’t need to “try” a white/other man to find out. This is what I know, innately. I don’t have time for man-boys, but I believe that there is agrown black man out there somewhere for me, so that’s why I don’t give up on them. I know that at some point, while I’m out living my life to it’s fullest, he will find me.
Last, but certainly not least… yes, there are many black men the world over. But, their history is not my history. Their struggle is not my struggle. My apologies to the Pan-Africanists among us, but it’s true. However, my first choice willalways be a black or black/mixed man (from wherever) before any other group of non-black men.
Okay, cool. Now, in response to her query about my lack of compassion for black men’s issues, this was my response. (Note, I didn’t address her ‘nothing but a black man’ mantra, because really, I don’t care.)
I’m not angry. And my husband rarely gets on my nerves or makes me angry. Let me ask you a question, when have you seen a black man, even the so-called conscious ones who have an iota of compassion or understanding for the struggles of black women? Take your time, I’ll be here. Sorry, I don’t waste my compassion on people who don’t have a drop of compassion for me. I’m all about reciprocity.
Black women are catching hell on every corner of this globe, most of it at the hands, feet and guns of black men. Who in the black community is standing up to decry this senseless violence and bloodshed? When was the last time you heard any so-called black leader talk about the way black women are represented in this country? Did you hear D.L. Hughley’s comments after the Don Imus affair? Are you even familiar with Dunbar Village? Somehow I doubt it. Google it. Black woman raped and forced perform a sex act on her minor son by a gang of teenagers. Son blinded with bleach. Violent crime that could occur anywhere, in any race, but here’s the kicker. Rather than march in support of the VICTIM and the apprehension of the felons who assaulted her, the West Palm Beach County branch of the NAACP protested the incarceration of the DEFENDANTS. Do you think LaRaza would be protesting on behalf of vicious thugs who raped a Latina? How about JADL on behalf of Jewish rapist and victimizers? Asian? I don’t think so. Only in the black so-called community to you find black men defending other black men who prey on black women and children.
You might want to check out a blog called What About Our Daughters. Then come back and tell me all about the woes of tired black men.
Black women are being slaughtered at horrifying rates all over this country. Again, I ask, how many black men have you seen stand in solidarity with black women? They have heroes like Eldridge Cleaver who said that he practiced raping black women before moving on to his ‘real’ target, white women. They had a welcome home parade for the convicted rapist Mike Tyson. They build monuments to another convicted rapist, Tupac Shakur and promote and celebrate music that is all about the debasement and violence against black women.
Sorry, I’m too busy saving black women and children from the perfidy of the so-called black community to waste my time on tired black men.
Now, her response to me is that I’m bitter and angry and too full of negative energy to continue talking to. There’s also a black man on the same thread, one of those ‘black women are all bitter and angry types’ who maintain that I’m bitter and angry as well and must have been sexually abused.
Note, neither of them have counteracted my statement, ie that black men are not entitled to support or compassion from black women given that they have provided us with none. They haven’t challenged that. They’re too busy acting the same way white people do when black folk call them on racism.
the one who writes 
I’m deeply offended that a man is using the “you must have been sexually abused” argument as a reason to dismiss your opinions. I don’t know you or your history but if someone has been abused does that make them not human, are their experiences less valid, are people that were abused less knowledgeable?
They got nothing and when people got nothing they’ll resort to anything.
Roslyn, this is some deep scary stuff, great response. It makes me cringe reading things like this, especially when the black male cheerleader is secretly doing the evil laugh behind her back (she has no idea). If I didn’t know you better, I would have had no choice but to think you made it all up.
You know, from reading her first paragraph, I thought she already had the “black prince” of her dreams (which might half way explain why her logic is so cloudy). However, this sista still sounds single and… waiting. She has taken that deranged cool-aid vow to a whole new level. She knows not what she is doing to herself. I feel so sorry for her, and I’m not trying to be funny.
Hello Roslyn,
I have been reading your blog for a while and am a huge fan of yours. I love both Rock Star and Try A Little Tenderness and am eagerly awaiting your next release. It was petty and childish for this woman to label you ‘angry’. Regarding reciprocity between black men and women, I had to learn the hard way. I’m a Nigerian woman living in UK and just a few days ago, I was physically attacked by a man while I was in my friend’s house. I had been warned previously friends of mine to stay away from Nigerian men but I didn’t listen now I have definitely learnt my lesson. Black women should know better and not wait to be attacked or killed.
Rosalyn your response was on point. It’s not only black men but other black women as well, as someone else put it they have drank the kool-aid. I felt like a leper during the Hill-Thomas; Tyson-Washington dramas. My sister told me she was tired of black women bringing black men down…..I almost burst a blood vessel. Did she miss the memo’s that one was sexually harassed and the other viciously raped. Guess that doesn’t matter. Do not get me started on the whole Chris Rock, black women are not attracted to white men, that must be his wet dream…..
You wrote a great response.
I hope you don’t mind me asking, but could you please drop a link to the website that you are having this debate.
Thanks
I don’t think that’s a good idea. I knew it was going to get even even stupider and now it’s descended into outright insanity. This is typically what happens when black women and black men try to talk about serious issues online.
That’s fine. I respect your decision.
BTW, has the lady you were debating with shown signs of bending?
” I knew it was going to get even even stupider and now it’s descended into outright insanity‘
LOL, I agree. The “Dominican” comment had me fully cooked and I felt sorry that I went snooping in the first place. If half of those black women could put all that energy into fighting for the betterment of black females instead, we could accomplish so much more. Ok bye.
It becomes so clear who’s pathologically male-identified and who isn’t. It’s sad really but a snake still has venom whether it “wants” to or not. And we must protect ourselves from its venom regardless.
Roslyn
Your points were clear and precise.
One of the things I’ve noticed amongst the black women I’ve met in my line of work, socially or even on-line is the lack of empathy towards other black women’s plight, especially where black men are concerned. It seems solidarity is truly lacking and if one expresses such, the label “black man hater” is applied. Truly, too bad we’ve yet to catch up to the feminist movement, because of spending too much of our energy fighting racism, we’ve neglected to realise that sexism is our Armagedon!.
Great points Roslyn. When will some black women accept the reality that men are not meant to be protected, especially if such men are of little value? SMH.
@ Eccentricyoruba – I sympathise with your experience of being physically attacked. That should never happent to any woman. I hope you found the help and support you needed after the ordeal. I want to add that I am Nigerian too. A Nigerian woman who believes that we can all seek our mates from all races of men in our global village. This does not mean I detest Nigerian men. Many of them including my brothers, Father, ex-boyfriends are worthy men. Just like ALL other races the bad eggs do exist.
Do not put them all into the same box. I doubt that you have met ALL Nigerian men.
@Lili, thanks a lot. i don’t detest Nigerian men at all. i know there are good ones out there, i’ve met a few of them. no i’m not met ALL Nigerian men but i’ve resolved to learn from my experiences. i don’t know if you’re in UK but they do have a bad reputation here. i’ve just learnt my lesson, i know i’ll not be abused ever again. i wrote about my experiences on my blog if you are interested.
I will check your blog out, thanks.
Roslyn,
I must applaud your patience and tact. I don’t have the energy to go back & forth with these completely BM-identified women. I figure that the harsh realities and consequences of their choice to reward non-reciprocity will eventually catch up with them.
Peace, blessings and solidarity.
At first I was just astonished that there are women left on this planet with this mindset. I mean, how does a WOMAN become totally identified with MEN? I guess I’m just slow on the uptake, but it would seem to me that anyone is going to identify with her own gender before anyone else’s. That’s why I kept asking her, seriously? For a moment I thought she was snowing me.
It is sad to think that there are BM-identified-BW still out there swarming. Seriously, what does a BW have to experience at the hands of trifling BM before these women wake up? I actually feel sorry for them. They are totally lost to their female self and that is a sad state to be in.