Escaping Blackness

So once again I’ve been accused of trying to run away from blackness. Nothing new, folk have been hurling that one at me since I was a mere child. Somehow I’ve always known that the accusation was more about them and their issues than it was about me. After all, why would they care, and care enough to jump on me and bully me for years, if they weren’t the ones who felt there was something wrong with blackness? I’ve always been puzzled as to why they’re so convinced that blackness is something that anyone would want to run away from. Is it perhaps that they themselves would like to do so? 

There are plenty of things I would like to run away from. Fatness would definitely be at the top of the list. But blackness? Nope, I rather like being black. I like the physical characteristics as well as the history and culture behind it. It’s part of the uniqueness that makes me who I am, and I wouldn’t change it, even if such a thing were possible. 

Under normal circumstances, this wouldn’t faze me. After all, I’m a grown woman and I’ve been hearing it all my life. But this time it came from someone who I thought frankly was above this level of ignorance. I never would’ve thought that this person suffered from the same inferiority issues as those kids did so long ago. Self-hatred is insidious and ugly, and to suddenly see it this way was shocking and painful. 

In a way, I’m glad that this happened. It explains a lot of things that have puzzled me up to now, and I’ll be able to feed this person out of the same long-handled spoon that I reserve for such individuals. My mama always said that if you wait long enough the truth will be revealed. I’m glad that I’ve seen it, and am old enough now and have the maturity to handle it accordingly.

5 thoughts on “Escaping Blackness

  1. “Ah…blackness, grits and cornbread? How can you act this? I exist on a plane, that jars the brain, I’m living to retreive cells….” Grandverbilizer Funk’n Lesson Brother J – X- Clan – 1991

    Cuz, I feel you on this, I can’t begin to tell youhow many times someone acted like I forfietd my Black card when I was growing up (and even now). Here is my greatest hits:

    1. 1st grade (when I lived in the projects): Had Superfriends lunch box, was told “You ain’t Black, you should have the Good Times lunch box”…wishing I had the “Good Times” one or the “Superfriends” one for E-bay about right now (a brotha is broke!)

    2. In the 7th grade Ig ot caught on the bus with Adam Ant, Peter Gabriel, Men at Work and Pat Benatar posters and albums! Was told “Man you ain’t Black!!” (even though you know damn well they were watching those videos on MTV too!

    3. In the 10th grade after being ignored by every sister in my school, went to school dance with Mexican girl (who was not even a r,omantic relationship but a very good friend), was called sell out for 2 years after that!

    4. MCAS El Toro California, was in the lounge watching Doris Day movie instead of “BET”, was soundly reprimanded by fellow Black Marines as “Not being a real brother”…

    5. Played Rolling Stones “Missing You” in middle of House Music DJ set in LA (although the song was played be everybody in Chicago from Ron Hardy to Farley Keith) was thusly told, not only was I not Black enough, but doubted my House Music credentials (didn’t know which one of those statements pissed me off more)

    6. Homeschooling children (told we are “acting white”…

    7. Critisized Chicago Public schools on my blog, was told by another blogger I was “A danger to the Black Community”…

    etc., etc.

    It’s all good, you are not only Black in my book, you down for the “drop squad” so you are sraight “gangsta!!” too!! lol

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