Over the years I’ve posted on a lot of forums. I thought I’d share some of my favorite posts with you. This one, posted on nappturality almost two years ago, sparked an awesome discussion, and I go back and re-read it often. Hope you enjoy it.
Something just occurred to me, and its a subject that we don’t seem to discuss that much when we cover the topic of single-parent families. It seems to me that the problem isn’t a tremendous increase in the number of children born to single parents, but the decline in the marriage rate. I mean, this 70% figure is pretty staggering, I think we’d all agree, but the actual number of black children born to single parents hasn’t increased all that much. The problem is that our marriage rate has declined astronomically while our divorce rate has risen in the same fashion. This isn’t so much a problem of sex and conception outside of marriage as it is an issue 
with black folks and marriage.
It seems to me that in American society in general we have a tendency to think of men as a disposable commodity. I watch my white girlfriends and their ‘starter marriages’ where they get married in their twenties, have a few kids, then divorce in their thirties. I read an article a while back that discussed the fact that it seems that women are getting married, having their babies, getting rid of their husbands and then moving on with their lives. Maybe black women are essentially doing the same thing, except without the ‘starter marriage.’
I think black folks have an abysmal attitude towards marriage, seeing it as pretty much a novelty, something not to really bother with. Of course, its not surprising that black men would feel that way, most men have little interest in marriage, but I’m astonished by the number of black women who also have a similar attitude. I think I recall someone saying once before that perhaps the ‘I don’t need a man,’ mindset and the lack of interest in marrying the father of their children was really bravado. Maybe so, but it certainly seems widespread.
So, what do y’all think? What would it take to overcome this attitude, if you see it as a problem.
No real reason for Barack to be here. Just think that’s one hot picture, and you know I love my man-candy.
the one who writes 
I see it as a serious sociological problem, and it really has myriad layers.
In the African American community at least, Black men and Black women need to really change their overall attitudes towards each other for any real change to happen.
Not to mention, there needs to be an overall change in attitudes towards marriage, men running from it, women saying they don’t need it.
Black Men need to stop acting like their penis is the soul rason for their existance, and act as God expects men too (of course thats a spiritual judgement that doesn’t apply, authoritatively at least, to people who share my spirituality).
That is a beginning…
It’s a disgusting attitude, one reflected in our TV shows and advertising, even. I am sooooooooo sick of the “stupid husband/father” storyline.
Isn’t that the truth. I don’t get what the pay-off is of portraying men as stupid and clueless. We have to elevate our families, but instead we denigrate them.