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Yesterday someone said that comparing marriage equality to the Civil Rights Movement demeans and lessens it. Nothing could be further from the truth. The Civil Rights Movement, like all human rights movements, was always universal. Twenty years ago when I heard those Chinese students singing “We Shall Overcome” in Tianamen Square i was proud that my ancestors created a movement that resonated so strongly that these young people, born a generation later on the other side of the world felt its impact. The Civil Rights Movement, much as Lincoln said about Gettysburg, has already been consecrated; in blood. It cannot be demeaned or belittled unless, in a misguided attempt to honor it, we stand idly by while oppression continues. The oppression of one is the oppression of us all.
I’ve been on a quest for a dining room table for more than fifteen years. Over the years my tastes and needs have evolved. It has to stand up to homework, craft projects, sewing and nightly games of Scrabble. I like this one, and the price, $340 is right. Needs a little TLC, but nothing major. I think it might be too dark though. My dining room will someday will someday be a luscious shade of apricot with wainscoting. If I get really ambitious, the ceiling will have stars like this to complement a nice crystal chandelier. I really like the dichotomy between the rustic table in the elegant room. What do y’all think?
I’m sure many of you read an article I posted a while back in response to a post on Afrobella wherein a “professional” hair stylist was supposedly debunking all the misinformation on hair blogs. I had to respond to that nonsense because most of the erroneous information I’ve heard over the years in regard to our hair came from so-called professionals. Case in point this person, who I’m told is prominently featured on a national television show, actually said, “Natural hair isn’t for everybody.” Now, let that marinate for a moment. This person, whose own personal appearance is questionable at best actually has the audacity to tell black women that there is something defective about the hair that grows out of our heads. Every other group in the world has the right to believe that the hair that grows out of their head is attractive and lovely, but not us. If we don’t pour Drano on our heads and weave in hundred pounds of some peasant’s hair then we are not presentable to the public. I am so glad, ecstatic actually that black women are finally rejecting this bullshit and this person can have several seats. I will never, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever return to a beauty salon and it’s because of assholes like this one. People who hate black women and aren’t satisfied until we’re hating ourselves. Sorry old boy, that ship has sailed. We are no longer putting our money in the pockets of those who despise us. Yeah, that’s gonna leave a mark. In other words, Derek J. and every other so-called hair care professional can fuck off. We, and our hair, are enough.
I haven’t been married for four decades, but I think the most crucial part of a successful marriage is finding someone who wants to be married to you, and to whom you want to be married. This is not easy, but more than anything, it makes a difference. No matter what (barring abuse and/or infidelity) I know he’s not going anywhere and he knows the same about me. And yes, there are days when I absolutely loathe the man, and I know he feels the same way, but there is nobody on earth I’d rather be with. With just a quirk of an eyebrow he can make me laugh until my sides ache. And watching him with our children is the greatest joy in my life. It more than compensates for those other times.
I was in my early thirties when I met Whit. Long past any delusions about who I was or my ability to change a person. At that point I understood marriage is pretty much WYSIWYG. Traits you don’t like aren’t going anywhere, so you need to decide if you can live with them before you get married. More than anything marriage is an amplifier, not a change agent.
But marriage is also about faith; knowing that even through the bad times things will get better. And we’ve been through some bad times; job loss, relocation, infertility and that’s the tip of a very large iceberg. I didn’t expect our marriage to survive the year we each lost a parent and a baby, but we came through to the other side. Stronger and more importantly confident that we can weather the tough times. After all, if we didn’t break up after that fuckery, what could be worse? And that’s important. Tough times test a marriage, but they show you how strong it is too. I know there is no one I’d rather have at my back than my husband. Yes, he’ll drive me batshit crazy, but he’ll make me laugh and I know he’ll go down fighting to the death to save me. Because he wants to be married, to me. And that’s the core of our marriage.
I’m hearing too many tragic tales about young women these days and it’s making my heart and soul just weep. The basic story is a young woman goes out with friends, has a little too much to drink and winds up hurt, or missing or dead. The latest one is a young woman in New Orleans by the name of Terrilyn Monette. Apparently she had too much to drink at a bar one night and went out to sleep it off in her car. Unfortunately, she’s never been heard from again. I’m sorry, but this story is just saturated in WTF!? She was drinking with FRIENDS and they let her go off ALONE at 4:00 a.m. to sleep it off in a car. Are you kidding me? Are these friends are extras from Game of Thrones? As someone who has had far too much experience with all night bar crawls and being far more intoxicated than I should’ve been I can firmly say that the only reason I’m here typing this lesson today is because of my girlfriends. If Monette was so drunk the bartender had to cut her off, she was far too wasted to make ANY decisions about her safety. You don’t let your drunk friend go wandering off ANYWHERE by herself! And if your friends would do such a thing, get some new friends! Don’t get me wrong. No one should be drinking to the point that they can’t get home under their own power. And we also know that it is a common occurrence. If you know you like to imbibe, have a plan in place to ensure your safety.
And I know you all are savvy enough to know not to take your liquor from anyone’s hand but the bartender’s, and never leave your drink on the table. One young lady I know almost died after someone slipped her a roofie. Her core body temperature went up to over 108 degrees. Were it not for fast medical intervention she would be deader than hell today. If your friend seems overly intoxicated after only a drink or two, get her to the hospital IMMEDIATELY. Some of these drugs out there today will not only incapacitate you, they can kill you. Remember, people are mixing this stuff up at home and in other unsupervised labs all over the world. Predators will slip it to you and then wait until you’re alone to drag you off somewhere. Yep, just like a lion isolating a wounded zebra. There is safety in numbers ladies. Don’t let some sicko get his hands on your friend that way.
I said much the same thing when Natalee Holloway disappeared. Her girlfriends let her leave a bar with three dudes she didn’t know. Seriously? I have actually almost come to blows with a guy who was trying to take my girl out of club when she’d had too much to drink. He said I was cockblocking. Ya think!? If my friend was sober and wanted to do something like that, I would have tried to talk her out of it, but that would be her business. But drunk? No way was that going to happen. In Holloway’s case they had chaperones there with them. Possibly the threat of calling one would have been enough to keep her from doing such a foolhardy thing. If your friend is drunk, insist on driving them home. If you too are drunk call a taxi. If a taxi is too expensive a friend or relative will do. If you can’t get her keys away, as a last resort call the cops. Yes, you can get a DUI even if you’re just sleeping behind the wheel of the car. Again, just the threat should be enough to deter someone, if not, follow through. Yes, the cost of a taxi will put a dent in your wallet, but better that than a MISSING poster.
Bottom line ladies, while you’re out having fun be careful out there. There are predators and only a fool goes swimming in a pool full of sharks wearing chum drawers. Make sure you have a GOOD wingman, and make sure YOU’RE a good wingman as well.
After much debate we’ve decided how to remodel our kitchen. We will do it in stages starting with installing a new hardwood floor. After that we will put in an IKEA pantry consisting of three parts; a base with a countertop and a bar sink. A tall pull out pantry and two glass upper cabinets. Our kitchen is 25 feet long, a true galley. Having an extra sink at this end will allow us to set up a “beverage center” with a coffee pot and microwave right next to the small breakfast nook. We’ll be keeping our old cabinet carcasses, just replacing the doors and eliminating the bulkhead. We also intend to get rid of the wall betwwen the kitchen and dining room. We will install another pantry cabinet next to the oven. We have already bought a new refrigerator and a dishwasher. I have my fantasy of buying one of those huge Viking flamethrower ovens but that really doesn’t suit our ifestyle or budget. We are trying to keep our budget beloe $1k for each appliance. We seriously scored at the Sears Scratch and Dent store and got a Samsung French door refrigerator for $900! Hope to do similar on an oven.
This is the second time we’ve redone a kitchen in stages. It really works for us and helps avoid a buttload of debt. Ideally it will look very much like the endwall shown in the last photo. Not as wide, of course as we’re using only one base cabinet, but that’s what we’re going for.
Not sure why so many folk have got their panties in a twist over this doll. For one thing she is NOT a Barbie, and for another, do we even know she’s black? She looks like a Donatella Versace doll to me.
ETA: So rather than a “ghetto” or “hoochie Barbie,” this doll is actually a character doll. A high fashion model. Her expression, rather than mean mugging as some have said, is in fact a typical model expression. And she was designed by Jason Wu, who we all know through his poularity with the First Lady. I’m posting more pics of the same doll.
Afrobella is one of my favorite blogs. I have it in my reader and have gotten good advice there on fashion and beauty. i especially love learning about the latest nail colors there. But when I saw this post yesterday I had to respond. There seems to be this mindset that professional cosmetolgists give better hair advice than bloggers or websites. That has not been my experience AT.ALL. When I first went natural back in 1998 it was BECAUSE of piss-poor advice and experiences with so-called professionals. So the notion of them debunking ANYTHING is nearly enough to send me into hysterics of laughter.
I started getting relaxers when I was eighteen. I spent more than a decade trying to find a cosmetologist who would relax my hair as I preferred. They insisted on relaxing my very thick hair bone straight. I never wanted that look and hated it passionately. I would go home afterwards, wash my hair and let it air dry to get more texture. After some research I realized what I was looking for was a texturizer and that I also needed to stretch my touch-ups out to about four a year. When I tried to discuss this with my cosmetologist whom I saw at least three times a month, she informed me that such things were for people with “good hair.” I knew then that I’d never see another “professional,” and have not been back to a salon since.
Of course, I’m grateful now that I never got that texturizer and instead eschewed chemicals altogether. I went from having to spend hours in the salon every week to not having been in one for nearly fifteen years. I’ve saved thousands of dollars not to mention endless aggravation. From time to time I wish that I could see a “professional” for a little pampering of my natural hair, especially for color, which I hate doing at home, but I’m too vain to go gray. This was especially true when I was pregnant and was so tired, but then I remember the aggravation of the long waits and how little “pampering” was actually involved and move on. I wish, oh how I wish this was something I could indulge in. The type of beauty treatments other women can take for granted, but unfortunately I never found after dozens of attempts. I’ve made appointments over the years to get my hair professionally colored, but have always cancelled after having what could best be described as a panic attack at the thought of suffering that abuse again. This is why I don’t assume that just because someone is a licensed professional that their word is any less suspect than a blogger. I think many professionals are mostly invested in keeping you in the chair for their services, at least bloggers are speaking from their own experience. If it doesn’t work at least it has cost you nothing.
When I went natural there were few, if any, so-called professionals who wanted to have anying to do with natural hair. If it didn’t involve lye and a flat iron they weren’t trying to hear it. My only recourse at that time was sites like Nappturality, a gold-standard resource I’ll put up against any licensed cosmetologist, most of whom have received NO TRAINING on natural textured hair. Now they see what a goldmine natural hair can be and resent that women have empowered themselves and broken free of their disdain and tyranny. When I first went natural I had to make my own products from coconut oil and shea butter I bought online. I learned about ACV rinse and the power of herbs like rosemary. I learned how to two-strand twist and the glory of spending time relaxing in my own home as I took care of my hair. There are plenty of poducts available now, but I still like knowing I can take care of my own. Did I learn any of this from the so-called pofessionals? Nope. This is information I gained from Nappturality and I’ll be damned if I’ll stand idly by while these “janie-come-latelies” put that site and others like them down.
Detroit prosecutor Kim Worthy is working through a backlog of more than 11k rape kits. Some of these rapists have gone on to kill while the rvidence to convict them has been languishing ina warehouse. Help get these perpetrators off the streets. Note, this is phenomenon is not limited to Detroit. It costs $1500 to process a rape kit and many of our cash strapped cities simply don’t have the cash. We must make this a priority. Get involved today.
Here’s a link to an NBC news story about the situation.