My mama was an absolutely phenomenal cook, but baking was her passion. She worked nearly all her life as a domestic or a restaurant cook. Her favorite cookbook came out in 1971, and it was her go-to for many, many years. Her pound cake recipe, which is so rich because it’s got eight eggs in it, came from that book. As did her caramel cake and my favorite praline cake. She gave me the book before she died, but, of course, after forty years of hard use, it was in less than pristine condition. It’s a Southern Living cookbook, but it was long out of their backlist. Well, I found it on Amazon the other day. I immediately ordered two copies; one for me and one for my niece. Now I can keep the one my mama gave me in my treasure box. I want to have it framed. And I’ll use this one. Flipping through the pages was like a trip down Memory Lane. So many late nights with me greasing and flouring pans for her. Perfect cakes all golden and delicious. Caramel cake has always been my favorite, but I’ve never made one. I think I will make my first one for Luke’s birthday next week.

Why am I telling you this? Because there is probably no one in my entire life that I’ve been more intimate with than with my husband. And I’m not talking about just sexually, though there is that, I’m talking about the day-to-day interactions that regularly occur in life. See, I give a lot of advice on this blog, especially about romantic relationships. I like to think I give advice not just about attracting a mate, but about sustaining a relationship. I don’t give a lot of “man-catching” advice because, quite frankly, that’s the easy part of the equation. If you’re a woman, men are going to be attracted to you. Sustaining a relationship is much more difficult. And that’s what this post is about. I see a lot of people recommending all manner of deceptions, big and small in the quest to get a man. This confuses me because in my mind I think they’re forgetting that the object of all this man hunting is marriage. After you get this dude, you’ve got to live with him. And you’ve got to live with him in a open and vulnerable way or it’s highly unlikely your marriage will succeed.

Lies or deceptions as you might prefer to call it have an ugly way of growing and manifesting into even bigger lies. I remember a dude I met online dating back in the day. I was in my early thirties, and he’d claimed he was in his early forties. We met for coffee at a Starbucks and he was telling me about his children. Both had already graduated college. I was like, “Wow, you started early.” He was forced to admit he was actually in his early fifties. I really liked this guy; he was handsome, well-traveled, sophisticated and charming. Even though I probably wouldn’t have dated a man that old under normal circumstances, the fact that he lied was such a turn off I couldn’t go out with him again. If he lied about small things, how would he handle much larger issues? So from the beginning I would’ve started out not trusting him. That goes back to my Free Lesson about choosing an honorable man: You can take the word of an honorable man to the bank. My husband does not lie, even when he probably should. Even when I would prefer it. It can be hard to live with at times, but you know you can trust him, period. If someone lies, even by omission, they’re not a trustworthy person. Period. Oh, you can rationalize all you like, and people do. “Don’t hate the player, hate the game,” they say. But the bottom line is, you choose what game you play and how you play it. It really comes down to either you’re honest or you’re not.

Now, don’t get it twisted, as I said in my Free Lessons book, you don’t have to tell a man all your business. In fact, I think women tell men far too much in the beginning of the relationship. However, what you do choose to share with him, must be truthful and honest. After all, if you’re successful this is the guy who might have to make the decision about pulling the plug on you one day. Do you really want there to be even a fiber of dishonesty between you?

I love thrifting I really do. For one thing it appeals to my pocketbook, but I also like the idea of making use of something old instead of trashing things. This furniture is solid as a rock and will still be in good shape by the time Luke and Kell are ready for their own homes.

As you know I think that’s a MAJOR problem. So, here are a few questions for you, my beloved readers. Do you think interracial romances are propaganda? Do you think others might feel that way? If so, do you think that’s positive or negative for the genre? And when I speak of benefitting the genre I’m talking in term of sales. I want to make sure every black woman on this planet knows these books exist, but I am concerned that they might feel some of the same misgivings this particular emailer apparently felt. Could we be losing potential readers because they think these books are nothing but propaganda? What do you think?

Do you get ARe’s newsletter? If you don’t you definitely should. This week The Lion in Russia is a Recommended Read. It’s not up on their site yet, (or I can’t find it) so I’m quoting the review here. And yes, I’m squeeing like a newbie because y’all know these books are my first love.
ETA: They’ve got the link up now. http://www.arecafe.com/cafe_publisher/roslyn-hardy-holcomb/

Pussycat Death Squad: The Lion in Russia by Roslyn Hardy Holcomb is an action-packed, interracial romance that is short, sweet and full of grit. The female lead character Vries St. John is a cross between a “Charlie’s Angel,” and a “Bond girl”. She is the epitome of beauty and brains with the ability to literally stop a man’s heart with just one touch. I loved the role reversal in that the big, hulking man is being protected by this waiflike supermodel agent. With all the action comes some comical scenes and one in particular when Vries and Leo are attacked while in the limo and Vries pulls Leo to the limo floor and uses her body to shield him from a barrage of bullets aimed for him. It reads as very comical but Leo was far from amused to say the least. It is at that point that Vries’ cover is blown and Leo blows his top. This is also an enjoyable read because while Vries and Leo are mature lovers, they exhibit an intensity and passion that is ageless.

Pussycat Death Squad: The Lion in Russia has an intricate but easy to follow plot. Vries St. John is a high fashion model, government operative and assassin. Her cases are usually straightforward; take out the bad guy. Her most current assignment is difference though because this time she has to protect someone. She is assigned to protect Russian magnate Leo Azhikelyamov, a man she has feelings for. Her mission is particularly sensitive because she has to protect him without his knowing. Leo successfully built an empire from questionable deals with the Russian Government and now wants to give back to the economy that made him wealthy. However, those in power don’t share his vision and instead have marked Leo for death. Vries knows this mission would be unique because she never guarded someone she cared about. Their long held feelings run unchecked as they spend time together and Vries soon succumbs to her feelings for Leo. When Vries is seriously hurt while guarding him, Leo takes on the role of protector. His integrity is important but not as important as the woman who has come to mean so much to him. He is willing to sacrifice his wealth but he won’t lose Vries now that she’s become the most important person in his life.