Category: Off With Her Head


God willing and the creek don’t rise, I’ll be at the Romantic Times conference in April. Much as it pains mrpe to say this, I won’t be at Slam Jam. Why? Because they practice book bigotry. Yeah, I know the mainstream cons do as well. When was the last time a book with a blCk heroine won a Rita? Try never. But at least they have enough sense to not put it in writing. Amazing as some might find it, Slam Jam has disqualified any book that doesn’t have a black hero from winning an Emma. I’ve suspected for some time that there was some hostility toward those of us who write IR. This simply confirms it.

Now those of you who know me know I really don’t give a damn about awards, but this one seriously stings my butt. Which is why, as far as I’m concerned, Slam Jam can kiss it. And when are they going to get a real name? It sounds like a freaking basketball tournament.

I Need a Word

A few days ago someone asked me if I thought a particular character (not mine) was a whore. I said no, because my definition of whore is not simply someone who sleeps around, but someone who puts it out there for money or some other remuneration. And this character didn’t do that. And that got me to thinking about something. We don’t really have a non-derogatory word in the English language for women who simply like sex. I’m sure this oversight is intentional. I specify the English language because I’m too much of a Philistine to know if such exists in other languages.

A while back Lisa and I talked about doing a series about women who simply want to have no-strings-attached sex. We pretty much tabled the idea because we couldn’t come up with a name for the series. So I think I’m going to come up with a word for these women, much as cougar now means an older woman who likes younger men, I think women who simply like NSA sex should be called cookies. What do y’all think?

…so this one will be kind of stream of consciousness.

My hair: Seriously thinking about cutting it back to a TWA. I’m tired of locks. Plus they’re starting to break, so it’s definitely time for a trim. The only reason I haven’t cut them all off at this point is that I know I’m going to lose a lot of hair in another month or two because of my pregnancy. If I’ve got some length I can hid it. With a TWA it’s out there for the world to see. I’ve also seen these You-tube videos of people who’ve taken their locks down. Thinking about trying that, though I’m really not sure.

My career: I’m feeling a bit more optimistic these days. I’ve got some ideas about what I want to do and talked to a friend who gave me a lot more ideas. I’ve got something hot coming in the next few weeks.  Watching my girl Monica take flight has really shown me that I haven’t put forth my greatest effort. Will be doing that now. Yes I’m limited by finances and children, but there are things I can and will do.

My baby: Kell is so fat now I call him my little hamhock. Don’t his thighs look just like little hamhocks? He doesn’t even look like the tiny little thing he was before. He’s such a sweet and easy baby. Luke was so easy I was scared this one would be a colicky nightmare. My SIL says good babies are dangerous. They make yiu want to have more.  Yes. Yes. I will be posting more pictures. be patient.

My decorating: We’re getting back in the groove on the all the projects we halted when I got pregnant. We’ve decided to have the sofa redone. It’s too big a project for me as some of the springs need to be retied. It’ll cost $600-800. Pricey, but not as bad as a new sofa.

Yesterday I was spackling the ceiling (Don’t ask. All I can say is if you want to know how crazy someone is, buy their house) anyway I hurt my chest somehow and it hurts to breathe.

Okay, I Had to Share This!

My apologies in advance. I tried to take the high road, I really did, but this is too ridiculous not to share. I’m blaming it on the pregnancy hormones. Believe it or not, this e-mail resulted from my not unreasonable comment that a black women’s magazine should not be full of articles about black men.

I saw your comments complaining about Black men on “Clutchmagazine’s” site.  But when I was led to your website, it all made sense to me when I saw your book — a Black woman hugging a White man.

Some believe love is blind, but to actually write a book with a Black woman hugging a White man on it is a mindset I hope you arrived at responsibly.

In other words, whether you like it or not, White men, in general, are the most racist people on the planet because of our culture of racism.  So when a Black woman in 2010 dates, marries, or otherwise, a White man, you have to wonder if she’s engaged in a long process with him about racism?

I doubt it.  When White men have the hardest time with race in our society, it makes you wonder what’s going on in the mind of a Black woman who would embrace someone who historically simply doesn’t “get it” when it comes to race because they benefit from racism but still don’t like to talk about it, don’t have to deal with it much, and still whine.  There are very few White men who will love not only you, but also your Black father, brothers, and uncles.  Thus, his love for you is probably superficial.

It’s no different that wondering why a Black woman would jump into a relationship with a brother who just got out of jail — why hasn’t she done her homework?

I mean, really, how silly is it that a Black woman would write a book about loving her oppressor?  So, yes, it’s not hard to figure out why you’re on “Clutchmagazines” back — you have serious issues with Black men.  Funny thing is, however, all the Black women that do, usually have a history of bad choices regarding the Black men they’ve dated.  And now they’re mad.

I hope your son doesn’t grow up hating himself because you hate Black men, obviously.

Dear Khloe Kardashian…

Stop wearing your sister’s clothes. Actually, I assume they’re your own clothes, but either way it’s not a good look on you. Those body glove dresses look fine on them (Well, okay they look like whores on the stroll, but at least they don’t look like 10 pounds of sausage in a 5 pound bag.) See, here’s the thing, your sisters are pears, you are an apple. You have long slim legs, and a relatively thick middle. When you put on those type dresses you look like a marshmallow on toothpicks. Contrast that with this dress:

This is without a doubt the best I’ve ever seen you look. The flare in the skirt makes your waist look tiny and it makes your legs look amazing. Repeat after me: A-lines are my friend. That’s your new mantra, please repeat it anytime you find yourself anywhere near something by Leger. If I ever see you in this mess again I’ll beat you like you stole something. Leger isn’t for everybody. You look like a Clydesdale.

Please accept this in the spirit in which it is intended…ie I’m sick of your tacky looking ass all up in my magazines every week. And since you won’t go away, at the very least I can help you dress better.

Your friend, Roslyn Hardy Holcomb

I know, hard to believe. First words of wisdom from Liz Hurley, now Demi Moore. After her little Twitter brouhaha with Kim Kardashian over the use of the word “pimp” I realized that I too had bought into the casual use of this word. And yes, it is wrong. I’ve decided never to use it out of context again. Interestingly enough, this actually hit home particularly hard when I was working on Let’s Do It Again. Dyanne, my heroine is reflecting on she’d lost what I originally referred to as her “pimp hand” in her relationship with Jack. It’s a funny line and I had to change it to “game hand.” It was a painful decision, but the right one. Some things are just not to be played with, and pimping is one of them. So thanks Demi for the lesson. I certainly should’ve known better.

After a very long wait we finally got the Dr. Seuss book about the Sneetches from Paperback Swap. Obviously it’s been a long time since I’d read it, but it had always been a fave. Imagine my horror to discover that the book that I always thought of as an example of the stupidity of racism, is also an example of the stupidity of the marginalized as well. Instead of forming their own clubs and playing their own games they stand around all sad-faced and pathetic while the star-bellied Sneetches are out having fun and excluding them. As I am a champion of “never let the mofos see you sweat”  this book is truly a wall-banger.

I feel the same way about Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer. All these people abuse and scorn him until they find his “affliction” useful to them. I’m sorry, but first had I been Rudolph’s mama I would’ve body-slammed his father for being ashamed of him. (What’s with this whole Daddy being ashamed of their child for being different meme? It’s in Happy Feet as well, and otherwise stellar movie.) Having been bullied for much of my childhood if the same were to happen to my child I want him to hold his head up high, and when they come running to him to use his red nose I want him to have enough pride to tell them to suck it. Is that wrong?

I don’t like the Giving Tree because that damned tree gave the boy everything totally without any reciprocity. A horrific message for children and don’t even get me started on the Roald Dahl book Esio Trot. He totally scammed Mrs. Silver and he never gets any type penalty for it. Damn, and I thought the fairy tales were effed up. Children’s lit is really starting to get a side-eye from me.

Off With Her Head

I just discovered that my almost-six-year-old can’t tie his shoes because the girls in his class tie them for him. Imma need them to stop that–unless they want to still be tying his shoes on prom night.

And btw, I think The Luke is having yet another growth spurt. Y’all know he eats so much we call him “Groceries,” now all of a sudden he eats TWICE as much! I’m starting to wonder if folk don’t pimp their kids out as child stars just so they can feed them!

Life without sugar is going well. Managed to bake Easter cupcakes without eating them. Of course, they’re not my fave lemon-coconut that I usually bake for this holiday. My menfolk wanted chocolate. Of course chocolate Swiss buttercream is like my favorite thing in all of Western civilization, but I’m tired of feeling like crap so I had to pass on them.

I’m back to wanting to sleep all the time, though. I’ll be sitting here writing and find myself dozing off. And I’m not staying up late either, I’m not sure what my problem is. This is not good, though. I’ve been an insomniac forever, it’d be too funny to suddenly turn into a narcoleptic. Funny, but typical.

I’m not feeling Flashforward these days. First they let Zoe be a typical ball-breaking black bitch last week. Now they’re setting Dmitry up to impregnate Hawk. If that happens I’m so done with that show. Also, and this is an aside, but why didn’t they get Somali actors to play Somalians in that episode? Anyone with even a passing acquaintance with the Continent would immediately recognize that people from different countries look different. Strange.

As for Mesdames Scott and Badu at least one of whom literally showed her ass in Dallas, I say *meh*. I knew these songstresses were going to eventually wind up naked when Beyonce and Rihanna stopped wearing pants. Badu actually has talent, so I don’t know why she felt the need to do this. Rihanna, well her legs are pretty much all she has. Beyonce can sing, but needs to stop being too greedy to hire actual writers.

As for Jill Scott, her views were not news to me, I was actually at a concert where she spouted this foolywang once before. This was the response I gave over at What Tami Said.

I’m not telling black women to be quiet and strong, I’m telling black women to be STRATEGIC. Have we stopped to think about what all this counter-programming is about? We’ve been ignored by the media since we’ve been here, now all of a sudden they can’t stop talking about us. Do we honestly believe that they suddenly give a damn? Of course not. They’re counter-programming against Michelle Obama and what it means that suddenly we have a black First Lady. That undermines white supremacy and they’re in a frenzy to counteract that message and the impact that it can have. God forbid a black woman actually think she’s fit to be First Lady.

So what do we do? Instead of putting our best foot forward and show ourselves in our magnificence we play right into the media message. That will undermine the marginalization of black women. This woe is me message does nothing to do that. And that’s their intent.

Scott wrote her article for Essence magazine which is nothing more than another arm of that same media that seeks to destroy and undermine black women. How could it be otherwise in a magazine that encourages black women to go to strip clubs to seek mates? Essence magazine is neither owned by or helmed by a black woman, so in what way is it OUR magazine? It’s not. They knew exactly how black women would respond to putting that man on the cover, that’s why they did it. And black women played like along with the bullshit. Better to simply ignore such foolishness and focus on that which uplifts us.

By all means have the dialogue, talk about it with people who actually give a damn about you. The media (and that includes so-called black magazines) in this country serves one purpose: to maintain the status quo and that’s white supremacy. It is not your therapist, stop acting as though it is.

I suppose that’s a given, after all she did live in the Playboy mansion when she was only 19. And her brow is so low she looks like Cro Magnon man’s long-lost sister. Even so, I expected better than this from her. She was interviewed in Star magazine. Typically these are fluff interviews, so I didn’t expect any serious questions, but they surprised me.

STAR: Because Little Hank is biracial, do you worry he will face racism?

Kendra: No. He’s 50 percent me and 50 percent Hank. Hank actually has a lot of red in his beard. Right now Hank Jr. has auburn hair and blue eyes–he’s beautiful.

This is so effed up and so ignorant on so many levels I don’t even know where to begin. Never mind the likelihood that all that straight hair is going to fall out and come back considerably nappier than it is now, and that those blue eyes will turn brown. (This is precisely what happened with Luke.) Oh no, the fucknuttery of this comment goes much deeper than this. Sorry Kendra, but in America hynodescent prevails. In the eyes of many your child will most assuredly be black and will encounter racism as a result. (That is not to say that her child is obligated to call himself black, that is up to each individual to determine, I’m no one-dropper.)

And this is where the problem lies, and how biracial kids end up “messed up.” There are people out there who want to have relationships with black folk, but don’t want to deal with the consequences and possible loss of privilege when their children come out, uh, black, or at least, not white. Eye color. Hair color. Hair texture are all obsessed over to an absurd point, when the simple answer is, if you don’t want black babies don’t get horizontal with black people. And yes Kendra, we understand that you’re only with Hank because no other man would have you after you laid up with that gila monster Hugh Hefner, but still, surely you could’ve done like all those other playmates and sold yourself to the Sultan of Brunei.

Pairs Skating Doldrums

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So last night I missed the last two competitors in the pairs skating finals at the Olympics. So what? you might be thinking. Except that I haven’t missed a pairs skating final since the second Innsbruck. Yes, that was 1976 and I was twelve years old. I love pairs like damn and whoa. The jumps, the choreography and most especially the lifts. Which is probably why my favorites of all time are the Canadians Brasseur and Eisler.

I was bored. Yes, bored and uninterested. And no, not because there wasn’t an American pair in contention. Just for the record, for the most part there’s never been an American pair in contention. It’s the new scoring system. It sucks and blows. At the same time. After the epic fail that was Salt Lake City they instituted a new scoring system. This has resulted in a dull, desultory sport with little excitement or individuality. I got more excited about the biathlon than I did the pairs final.

Apparently James and Bonheur (pictured above) were the most exciting couple of the night, and NBC didn’t show them. I understand, they did finish 14th and they’re French, so that’s not surprising, but I would’ve liked to have seen something interesting.

Interestingly enough this SI writer is expressing the same sentiments. Little wonder that the ratings for skating are down. The World Championship should be one big yawn.

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