(Subtitle: Billy London Writes Too Damned Slow!) (Sub-Subtitle: Every Other Author I Like Writes Too Damned Slow Too, but I Can’t Complain About Them Because They’ve Had Books Out Recently)
I wait (im)patiently for my fave author to release a new book. Okay. Okay I tell myself. I’m going to pace myself. THIS TIME. I’m not going to stay up all night in some type of text based fugue. An ugly binge that leaves me with the shakes every time I put the iPad down. I won’t be sitting in the glare of the computer screen at 3:00 in the morning reading because said iPad died and I can’t find the charger. The same charger my son insists on using as a chew toy and then hides from me as part of a gas-lighting strategy only a four-year old could employ.
THIS TIME. It’ll be different. I won’t look up from the last page of a novel as the sun rises, flipping back and forth through the pages convinced there must be more. I couldn’t have read it all. Not again. THIS TIME. I won’t get up the next morning hung over and strung out, hands shaking as I raise the coffee cup to my mouth with one hand, while the other hand clutches my mouse scrolling for my next hit. Ceaselessly searching author’s walls trying to find even the slightest hint that any will be releasing a new book anytime soon. Oh, look, look there. She said she went to the grocery store! That’s it! That’s it! See, it’s a coded message. If you take the word store and strike out the S the T and the O you have RE. That’s the prefix to release. It’s going to happen. She’ll have a new book soon. And this time, THIS TIME….