I’m just going to drop this right here. I wouldn’t want this dude playing against my teenaged son, let alone my daughter.
I’m just going to drop this right here. I wouldn’t want this dude playing against my teenaged son, let alone my daughter.
***Ahem*** Allow me to clear my throat a minute. Clearly some folk are confused. Or functionally illiterate. I don’t know or care which. Either way let me be clear; this post is for and about THE VICTIMS OF JOHN DOE. Period. There are plenty of blogs and Facebook pages and celebrities supporting that kid. I see none supporting his victims or calling the state of Connecticut on the fuckery that is their decision making. This is, and forever will be a transplaining-free zone. Let me be clear, my priority list is as follows: Black women and our children. Other women and their children. Everybody else. And no, I don’t consider males pickled in horse urine to be women. Indeed I consider their very existence to be an insult to womankind. So take that crap elsewhere, I’m not trying to hear it here.
***Sorry, I’m really out of pocket right now. Working on a big project, but I decided to change John’s name from Jane out of respect for women and the REAL Jane Doe’s, that is, his VICTIMS.***
There is a situation going on in Connecticut right now that has me so furious I can barely see straight. Essentially, there is a 5’8″ 180 17 year old boy who identifies as female. He’s been in the state’s custody since he was 12 years old. John Doe has a extensive history of violence, particularly of serious assault against females, staff and young girls. His story was in the news of late because the authorities in Connecticut placed him in an adult female prison after he assaulted a staff member and another resident at a facility in Massachusetts. This of course set off an explosion of trans activism. Harvey Fierstein wrote an op-ed protesting this young man being housed in an adult prison. So the authorities in Connecticut, despite this boy’s history of having assaulted more than a dozen women and girls capitulated and once again housed him with female juveniles. Well, to no one’s surprise, after less than two weeks in this facility, he has again attacked a staff member and another resident. This time the state grew a brain and placed him in a facility for juvenile males. Predictably the trans community is once again in an uproar. There is much weeping and wailing and gnashing of teeth, yet somehow in the midst of all of this, the boy’s victims, you know, the women and girls he’s beaten the hell out of have been forgotten. Nobody cares about them. It’s much more important that his status as trans be honored. That no one commit the heinous crime of “misgendering” him.
On behalf of the women and girls who have been victimized by this person I need y’all to do me a solid. I need y’all to contact DCF authorities in Connecticut and ask about those women and girls. Call, write, email, send a raven I don’t care, just let them know that those girls are not just punching bags for this boy to beat the hell out of any time he’s inclined. Including one staffer who was temporarily blinded by this him. Also ask and insist that women and girls be protected from being housed with a violent male who repeatedly attacks them. As always, please be polite, but yeah, this is absolutely absurd. But this is trans y’all. This is the whirlwind we reap when we jump on board with a “movement” we know jack about. Check the Gender Trender site. Don’t just go along with something because it sounds progressive. This is about as regressive and dangerous as it comes. We’ve got to stand up for women and girls before this boy kills somebody. Trans aren’t the only ones with voice. It’s past time we use ours.
Connecticut Juvenile Training School (CJTS) – Pueblo Girl’s Program –
1225 Silver Street, Middletown, CT 06457
Here’s the director of DCF:
Or write us at:
Department of Children and Families
505 Hudson Street
Hartford, CT 06106
Porn is yet another one of those things I never gave much thought to. Don’t get me wrong, I have enough social science degrees to know the dangers of porn and sex work in general. My undergrad thesis was a study of dancers at a local strip club and their interactions with social service agencies. I talked to a lot of strippers. In my book Try a Little Tenderness, I tried to honestly convey as much of that world as I could. Those women were honest and forthright with me, and I tried to do right by them in my book. So yeah, I know all of the statistics and I know from professional interactions just how tragic it can be.
But it didn’t really come home until I had sons of my own. I’m horrified by what they will some day find on the computer. We have all the nanny protections on, but we all know a curious child can find a way around just about anything. The worst thing about it is that most of this stuff is not even “normal” sex anymore. As I’ve always maintained, porn is one of those things that we get desensitized to, requiring greater and greater stimulation to get the same buzz. The porn actresses with their dead eyes are just so horrific and the use of another human being’s body as a “thing” is not a mindset I ever want my sons exposed to. The use of porn is especially dangerous in a society where we socialize our boys to detach from and compartmentalize their emotions. That having feelings is somehow unmanly. This compartmentalization is the very thing that makes porn so attractive; sex without the messiness of dealing with an actual human being. It’s detrimental to women and absolutely devastating to our young men.
My husband and I have talked about this at length. He’s concerned as well. He jokes that I “ruined” porn for him a long time ago by telling him that most of those actresses were sexually abused as children. He was never a big consumer before and lost most of his interest after that. I certainly intend to tell my sons the same thing and explain the mentality/economic realities that leads so many women to “choose” sex work. We do our best to demonstrate that sex within the context of a loving healthy relationship is a good thing, and that using human beings as a masturbatory device is immoral and frankly gross.
I fear that this will not be enough. Just hanging out online I see so many young men who are clearly porn sick. Who’ve had their view of women and girls totally distorted by the pervasiveness of this industry. My husband points out that back in our day porn was much more difficult to acquire and that if it had been as readily available to him as it is to young men today, it would have had a devastating effect on him. He probably would’ve done nothing else but watch it. And that’s what I’m afraid of. I know so many men whose marriages and even careers have been destroyed by porn. It drives so much of the sexual sickness that has become commonplace. When I was growing up porn mainly consisted of sex. Even anal sex was shocking and I was a fully adult woman before I actually saw photos. Now we’ve reached the point that with one click of the mouse I can see women experiencing an unimaginable level of bodily harm. This connection between pain, humiliation and pleasure is a very dangerous one, especially in the developing young brain.
I’m not a prude or ignorant, I know my sons will be curious about sex and sexuality. (And BTW, could somebody PLEASE write a version of Our Bodies Ourselves for boys? Without all the, “this is the stuff you can’t talk to your parents about” rhetoric? I don’t want to reinforce that mindset. I could talk to my VERY old school mama about anything and I want my boys to feel the same way.) Sex and sexuality is a normal developmental stage, but how do I help them through this stage when so much of this garbage is so readily available? From the very beginning we have tried to raise them as loving, empathetic young men with a healthy respect for other human beings. Porn is the antithesis of this. A cancer that serves only to erode and undermine healthy adult relationships. We are using the only antidote we can think of for this insidious poison; a healthy adult relationship. My only question is, will it be enough?
As a black woman of a certain age (nearly 50), I’ve heard the above saying nearly all my life. Because we all know there’s nothing more liberating than fucking a man who can have you killed or sell your children on a whim. Black women are so free that by law we couldn’t be raped, and even now any black woman who dares accuse a black man of rape risks being ostracized and driven out of the community. When I’d hear men of my father’s generation recite this foolishness I’d simply roll my eyes, and keep it moving. I didn’t dare say anything, but even as a child, I knew it was absolute nonsense. My mama was a domestic and worked in the homes of white families. More than once she was sexually harassed and nearly raped in the home of some of our hometown’s upstanding citizens. Calling the police, of course, was out of the question, especially given the fact that on at least one occasion the assailant was the police.
Frankly, until I got online back in 1996 I thought this sentiment had gone the way of the dodo. I naively believed black folk had shed a lot of the psychoses we’d developed under slavery and Jim Crow. I thought those old mentalities had died with the previous generation who had actually lived through the degradation that was second-class citizenship. Boy did I have a Negro wake up call. When I got online back in the mid-nineties I posted in a lot of African American forums and there were always black men there verbally assaulting black women if they dared mention interracial relationships. And the term “bed wench” was a favorite slur. They hurled it at us time and again, trying desperately to wound and control us. Even black men who themselves were involved with women of other races felt the need to attack us. (I was stalked by one of these head cases for nearly a decade). At first I dismissed it as typical male sexual jealousy and territorialism. But the vehemence of it seemed to go much further than that. I mean, I’ve had dudes leave tables where they were sitting with white women to come over to me and call me a bed wench or worse! Yeah, this went much further than sexual jealousy.
It wasn’t until Toure came out with his appalling tweets in which he claimed that our female ancestors used their sexuality to ameliorate the burdens of slavery followed shortly thereafter by Russell Simmons’s “comedy” skit in which the legendary Harriet Tubman did the same, that I realized, THEY REALLY BELIEVE THIS SHIT. Black men really believe black women fucked our way to freedom. It was then that it clicked in my brain, they’re not jealous that white men have black women, they’re jealous that black women have white men!
This explains something that has puzzled me for decades, why are so many trans women black, and for that matter why are black men so eager to put on a dress and play the role of black women, even when they’re not trans or gay? Other than John Travolta, I can’t think of a single non-black man who has played a woman in a movie or TV show. And note, I’m not talking about movies like Some Like it Hot, where Tony Curtis and Jack Lemmon played men who dressed as women. Black men don’t do that. Madea and Rasputia are not men dressing as women, they’re Tyler Perry and Eddie Murphy playing black women. Ultimately reiterating the notion that black men and women are interchangeable. That black women are nothing more than as bell hooks said, dicks in drag. I mean, black men are a tiny percentage of the population, so how in the hell did they become the face of a trans movement that by all accounts is 75% white? Further, why is it that the white trans women are overwhelmingly hetero (even though they claim to be “lesbians”), while the black trans women are almost all gay? It’s a bizarre conundrum because while both groups seek to colonize womanhood in the ultimate act of consuming the “other,” the black male psychology behind the act is also motivated both by white supremacy and a desire to shed the much-maligned black malehood.
One interesting point that supports this thesis is in an interview in which Laverne Cox acknowledged that he’s feared as a black man. I remember Little Richard saying something similar in an interview many years ago, but for the life of me I can’t find an article or a video, but he mentioned the way Nat King Cole was nearly lynched in Birmingham because white women were screaming and swooning over him. An effeminate black man is non-threatening, which is why they’re at the forefront of this movement. So once again we have black men crapping on black women in a response to white supremacy and racism while black women are complicit, once again, in our own oppression.
Not too long ago I was on Twitter following a feed from a well-known black female hashtag activist. One of her friends is a well-known transactivist and he was complaining about women not embracing the prefix “cis.” I, of course, hate that term as well, and said so. You would’ve thought I’d said that all trans folk should be shot at dawn. Then I asked why is it that I’m to respect them by calling biological men “women” but they can’t give me the same respect by not prefixing me. I also said that I’ve spent my whole life, nearly fifty years now fighting for my right to be acknowledged as a woman, and nobody is going to prefix me. I am a woman. Full stop. Period. Well, get this, dude, who is a white man, actually told me that as a black woman who has spent my entire life in the Deep South, I have privilege over him! But what makes this whole thing reek of WTF is the fact that the well-known black female hashtag activist agreed with him! I knew then that a certain segment of black womanhood had done what we always do, swallow a whole bunch of crazy pills to jump on the bandwagon with a whole lotta fuckery.
Clutch magazine is constantly publishing sob stories from these so-called transwomen bemoaning their lack of access to women’s bathrooms. They even published an article by a trans woman with the unintentionally ironic title When Nature Calls, A Transgender Woman Must Answer. Uh, dude, if you paid any attention to nature you wouldn’t be “gaffing” your penis every day. Please note when you read the first article that dude had full access to a gender neutral toilet. But no, he had to invade the women’s bathroom. This is not about taking care of bodily needs this is about metaphorical rape, and make no mistake they get their kicks from it. Even worse this demand for access is not limited to toilets. They also want into our locker rooms, sports and women’s shelters. Sometimes with tragic results. I got educated on the true reality behind the trans movement by reading the blog of a radical feminist who goes by the name Gallus Mag. She’s been blogging about these people for four years now, and frankly some of this stuff is absolutely terrifying. If you don’t read but one article on her blog, please start with this one.
Understand that prior to this encounter I rarely gave trans folk any thought. I’ve always been moderately liberal and supported marriage equality and ENDA. I never believed men could turn into women, but I figured if men wanted to run around in dresses and heels who did it hurt? Well, I quickly discovered the answer to THAT question. The first amazing thing I discovered is that all of these men aren’t gay. Some of them are heterosexual and refer to themselves as lesbians. They pursue lesbians aggressively to the point that they’ve come up with the term “cotton ceiling.” Yes, they are referring to the panties of lesbians. They’re so obsessed with their goal of fucking lesbians that they even had a conference about it. They attack any lesbian who won’t sleep with them. Yes, I know it sounds crazy as hell that men would be upset that LESBIANS don’t want to sleep with them, but when you start off with the premise that men can become women, anything goes. I even ran across a bizarre encounter on Tumblr where one of these men went into a rant about lesbians rejecting penises, because after all, some lesbians have penises. Please continue down this rabbit hole with me, the fucknuttery is oh so deep.
Those of you who are naive as I once was might ask, why so much discussion about penises, these men have had surgery, right? Uh no. The overwhelming majority of these men have not had surgery. And this is why they lose their tiny little minds every time someone asks them about their genitalia. They know that if most people knew this fact they would recognize them for what they are: fetishists. Further, they agitate and advocate for access to women’s spaces for any man who claims to “identify” as a woman. That’s right. No psychiatric diagnosis as transgender. No hormones. And definitely no surgery. And even with hormones these men can still get erections, so that means any guy in a dress can be all up in our private spaces, exposing themselves and worse, and if you say anything about it, you’re transphobic. Classic gas lighting. In fact most of the stuff these guys post have little to differentiate them from what you’d find on one of those awful men’s rights or pick up artists sites. Basically these guys are a fifth column for those groups. I think it’s particularly insidious that black men are the vanguard of this “movement.” America is very comfortable with black men in dresses. They’ve been consuming “the other,” that is, black women, for so long it’s become commonplace. Which is what makes it so dangerous. People assume they’re seeing Madea, but really it’s more like Richard Speck (Who, btw claimed to be trans as well is on a prison video with breasts). If you read the article on Gallus Mag’s blog then you understand that what we have here is a bunch of men with a sexual fetish. Men so sick on porn they receive sexual stimulation from imaging themselves as women.
Essentially they practice sex appropriation and as far as I’m concerned “lady face” is just as offensive as “black face.” They’ve adopted Kimberle Crenshaw’s term “intersectional,” meant to inform the way black women are oppressed by both racism and sexism, to agitate for their inclusion in feminism. Yeah, a feminism that includes men. That makes fuck all sense. Their exploitation of people who have actual disorders like PTSD or are intersex is just as disgusting. See, if you’re a woman you can’t mention things like menstrual cycles or fibroids. It’s much too “triggering” for them. It’s not an accident that they’ve stolen the language used by those who’ve been traumatized by war and other violence. These fuckers have so little shame that they have folk on Tumblr actually putting trigger warnings on posts that discuss women having abortions. See, that’s “trans-exclusionary.” And as for intersex folk, they’re simply tired of being used as a political football while folk debate the undebatable: Human beings, like all mammals are dimorphic with males and females, period. Sure, there are a small number of people with genetic issues, but that doesn’t change that fact. Humans also have two feet. Sure, some people are born without feet, but we don’t make up a term for folks who have two feet so the folk without feet don’t feel “othered.” We don’t need the term “cis” to differentiate the two types of women BECAUSE THERE AREN’T TWO TYPES OF WOMEN. There are women, and porn-sick men in “lady face.”
Now you might ask, what about the current faces of the trans movement, Laverne Cox and Janet Mock? Lord knows Clutch magazine loves them and claims they’re covering all aspects of “black womanhood” when they do stories about them. Uh, Clutch, stop taking the crazy pills. Any womanhood that includes men is by definition not womanhood at all. Anyway, back to Cox and Mock. Remember that little speech where Cox claimed that the horrific crime of “misgendering” them is an act of violence? Misgendering. The horrific crime of stating the biological fact that a man cannot be a woman. Now, you would think someone so concerned about the “violence” of words would be totally opposed to violence. Uh, not so much. Cox actually supports taxpayer funded transgender surgery for a man who nearly decapitated his wife. And Janet Mock, besides his insistence on referring to women as “fish,” he also refers to an “Underground Railroad” leading children into child prostitution. He further stated that he found being raped as a boy affirming as he was being “treated like a girl.” If that isn’t vomit inducing I don’t know what is.
And I could go on, but Gallus Mag’s blog with her meticulous citations does a better job of shining light on the matter. With some luck and a whole lot of sanity that light will send these people scattering like roaches. At least I hope so.
So I see some readers have beef with the price set by my publisher for Drawing the Stud. So much so they feel compelled to post one-star reviews both on Amazon and Barnes and Noble, even though they haven’t read the book. They’ve got a regular little pile-on going on over at Amazon right now, and though I don’t think authors should ever respond to a review, in my opinion, this is not a review. A review requires actually reading the goddamned book in question.
In response I must say I don’t set the price for books I write through a publisher, but hey, my name is on the cover, so there you go. Personally I think complaining because a book is too expensive is tantamount of me standing in front of the Lexus dealership with a picket sign. Have I ever felt a book was too pricey? Of course, and I made a note to either check it out at the library or to check back later to see if the price came down. I most assuredly would not give an author a one-star review over something she has no control over.
Further, there are complaints that IR authors don’t write novel-length books anymore. I can explain that in one word; piracy. When you write in a niche like IR authors do, your book sales are severely limited. For the most part, you only make money the first month your book is out. Then someone uploads it to the pirate sites and bam, there goes your money. Well, if it takes you six months to a year to write a book, you have one month out of twelve to make money. Or you can write four books in that same timeframe and get paid four times. One book, Try a Little Tenderness, took me two years to write and was on the pirate sites within a week of release. It sucks for you as a consumer, it sucks for me as an author.
I realize there’s a mentality out there that authors should write only for the love of the work, and that sounds very nice, but I’m not one of those authors. I do love writing, but it’s damned hard work and no way in hell would I do it for free. I’m not sure why people have the mentality that artists should be happy that “someone read our books.” I call shenanigans. I am a professional author putting out a product for you, the consumer. The idea that I should somehow have no interest in making a profit is both absurd and insulting to me and to my books. Writing is hard and publishing and promoting is even harder. I realize these are not issues that readers care about. Y’all want as many books as you can get, for the cheapest price you can find. And I do understand that, but just remember, this is my job and while I love my books and I love writing, and adore my fans I also like to get paid. Thank you.
Those who read this blog regularly know I’ve been looking for a dining room table for ten years. You know what else I’ve been trying to buy for ten years? A goddamned swimsuit. I know. I know. We all have our ills in that department, but your blues aren’t like mine. What I really want is a two-piece, a tankini. At the pool I have to take my little guy to the bathroom with me, and getting naked to pee is less than comfortable when you have a toddler who was breast-fed. Boobs still mean lunch to him. So a tankini would be ideal, but as you’ve often heard me lament, my weight tends to congregate around my middle, thus resulting in muffin top. Ideally I’d like a high waisted bottom on my tankini. Well, I’ve only found one place with them, Land’s End. Right now they’re marked down to $40 from originally $54. I’ll probably get it, though I’m really annoyed, because seriously $54 is what I expect to pay for a WHOLE SWIMSUIT. And people wonder why I hate shopping.
And I want to know why my life and horrific death is not worthy of media coverage. Being ex-military this story is particularly poignant to me. Five years ago four Marines raped and slaughtered a couple in San Diego, California, a major news market. What should make this story particularly newsworthy is that the couple killed was their senior officer and his wife. And given the brouhaha over the recent Cheerios commercial the fact that they were an interracial couple should have provided an even more interesting angle. There is much hue and cry about military rapes these days which should also have given the story legs. They were a young attractive couple. He a native of Poland who chose to serve this country in the Corps. She was actually writing thank you notes to the attendees at the wedding. This story is just brimming over with pathos. The type of stuff news organizations generally love. In fact this story had so many triggers that it should’ve been on a continuous loop on both Nancy Grace and Dateline. Yet, it was not and there are only two reasons: The victim was a black woman and the perpetrators were black men.
Instead there was absolute radio silence. The only place I’ve read about this case is on BWE blogs. It was an obvious hate crime whereby this couple was killed viciously and with malice aforethought for no other crime than being an interracial couple. I can understand why the prosecutor chose not to designate it so, but the news media failing to cover the story is chilling. Our deaths are not worthy of mentioning if the perpetrator is black and that’s got to change NOW. The media is complicit in their indifference and I want to know why.
Gina McCaulley of What About Our Daughters has declared Quiana Jenkins-Pietrezak Week on her blog whereby we will hold the news media accountable for this blackout. Do me a solid and follow up on her blog. The first step is to identify members of the media who routinely cover these type cases. We’ll be listing those on Wednesday, then we will politely ask those reporters why they dropped the ball.
I got an email the other day asking if most women who write interracial books are interracially mating/dating. Now, obviously I don’t know everyone who writes interracial romance novels, but from what I’ve seen we run the the gamut. I know some who are with men of their own race, some are with men of another race, and some are happily single. When I asked the correspondent why she wanted to know she went on to say that she’d seen books encouraging black women to date interracially and wondered if the romance novels were a part of that “movement.” Well, if you’ve read this blog you know how I feel about the notion of calling who somebody chooses to pull cover with a “movement,” but I was intrigued when she said she was unaware of the existent of these books until a few months ago.
As you know I think that’s a MAJOR problem. So, here are a few questions for you, my beloved readers. Do you think interracial romances are propaganda? Do you think others might feel that way? If so, do you think that’s positive or negative for the genre? And when I speak of benefitting the genre I’m talking in term of sales. I want to make sure every black woman on this planet knows these books exist, but I am concerned that they might feel some of the same misgivings this particular emailer apparently felt. Could we be losing potential readers because they think these books are nothing but propaganda? What do you think?
Yesterday someone said that comparing marriage equality to the Civil Rights Movement demeans and lessens it. Nothing could be further from the truth. The Civil Rights Movement, like all human rights movements, was always universal. Twenty years ago when I heard those Chinese students singing “We Shall Overcome” in Tianamen Square i was proud that my ancestors created a movement that resonated so strongly that these young people, born a generation later on the other side of the world felt its impact. The Civil Rights Movement, much as Lincoln said about Gettysburg, has already been consecrated; in blood. It cannot be demeaned or belittled unless, in a misguided attempt to honor it, we stand idly by while oppression continues. The oppression of one is the oppression of us all.