Okay, I have to apologize to the person who emailed me about this issue. You’re not stupid. (I’m pretty sure I didn’t call you stupid, but yeah, I did think it.)At the time that I received your email I couldn’t believe that anyone actually had a problem with this. Anyway, I saw this on some show the other day. Apparently there is some great quandary about whether or not you should friend an ex on Facebook, especially if you’re married now.
This is the way I see it, in general I try to limit contact with men who have seen me naked. It’s not something I’ve ever discussed with my husband. Back when we first got married, I said something to the effect that shouldn’t we have a discussion about our expectations. He just looked at me funny and said, “We know right from wrong.” And that was that. (Note, this is in regard to interactions with other men/women. We had plenty of discussions about other marital expectations. And, of course we’ve had lengthy discussions about the Close Encounters clause.)
I remember some time ago Billy Graham said that from the time he got married, he’s never been alone with another woman. I thought that was extraordinary, but in light of all the couples I’ve counseled who’ve apparently simply fallen onto or into an erect penis or vagina by accident, I think this is a good practice. It’s why, with few exceptions I avoid talking to males online outside a public forum. I don’t generally friend men on Facebook, again with a few exceptions. I figure, if I’m not talking to them, there’s no way to accidentally fall into any type of intimacy, emotional or otherwise.
That’s the path I’ve chosen to walk, and the next man who decides to stalk me because I won’t friend him on Facebook will most likely get shanked. It doesn’t make me a doormat or a white man’s whore, it simply means that this is how I’ve chosen to respect my husband and my marriage.
Excellent post. My father (who is a minister) has always lived by the same code, inspired by Billy Graham. Mom never had to worry about affairs that ‘just happened’, etc.
It’s a great principle that I think more people should adopt. While I have male ‘friends’ on facebook, I generally don’t engage in private conversations with them. I’ll respond to my wall or their’s, but that’s it.
This issue has come up for me, my Ex who is now married contacted me on Facebook. I thought it was extremely inappropriate. Plus I think he had moved to town recently while his wife was still out of state (she has since moved to be with him). I chose to be passive/non confrontational: I accepted his friend request then dropped him the next day. He sent me a note asking how I was and I ignored it. This man has a history of cheating pre marriage. I know that if I was married I would not want my spouse seeking out women he used to have sex with. Don’t start no trouble won’t be no trouble!
My husband lives by the Billy Graham principle also! As far as the exes go, I agree… we all know right from wrong. I’ve had 3 exes friend me on FB. We are all married with families… no biggie. No one has gotten out of line. The comment on my post and I on theirs.
Well, you KNOW I agree with you on this. Alot of people think it’s extra, but think about how many times you would NEED to be alone with a man who is not your husband or close relative.
I can think of two. The dentist, maybe, and the tow truck driver.
You noted:
It doesn’t make me a doormat or a white man’s whore, it simply means that this is how I’ve chosen to respect my husband and my marriage.
My reply:
I’m presuming the cretin described you this way. Boy needs to get a clue. Perhaps some never-married character who does not know how grown people handle their relationships. Doormat? Your response is that of a grown-up married woman who knows where her obligations and responsibilities lie. Since when is that to be correlated with being a “white man’s whore”???? Uh, yeah, right, whores are stay-at-home wives, and whores have the same rights and protections????
“…who’ve apparently simply fallen onto or into an erect penis or vagina by accident…”
This is incredibly funny, but I’ll bet you someone somewhere has tried to use this excuse for infidelity.